Friday, March 04, 2005

6 Months

It seems so strange and surreal to think that Liam is now 6 months old. For so long that was a future reference. "When he's six months..." Now he is and so much has changed it's almost hard to wrap my brain around it.

I feel more than ever that he knows I'm his primary caretaker. I see him look for me in a room when I'm not holding him. He visibly relaxes in someone else's arms when he can set his eyes on me. This makes me feel both good and bad in a trapped-sort-of-way.

That brings me to the guilt. I have this horrible guilt feeling when he gets stranger anxiety around people. I feel like it's my fault. And that I'm making them sad because Liam isn't warmer towards them.

But this post is supposed to be about Liam and not my guilt.

Liam rolled over. It was as if he said. Damn it, I'm 6 months old and I'm going to get this on! So he's rolling over, but getting stuck on his side with his arm pinned under him like a T-Rex (reference borrowed from Carrie - thanks girl!) The exciting part of this is that it wakes him during the night. Not enough to be awake-awake, but enough to make him cry and for me to accidentally elbow his father in the head so he can go check on him. Thank my father-in-law for that trick!

He likes to nibble his toes when he can maneuver them into his mouth. Pretty much everything ends up in there. The best is when we are at our GymBabies class and we are provided with maracas or finger puppets. I can barely get them on my fingers before he reaches with his kung fu grip and drags the puppet/maraca/newborn into his mouth. I'm positive the other parents are thinking "How disgusting! Does she know where those have been?" I could answer that our dogs like to French kiss him daily but it probably wouldn't be well received. Yeah - ew!

He likes to babble and squeak and squeal. He has a high pitched squeal that has the neighborhood dogs scratching at our door. When he cries, he does this squealing raspberry blowing thing. He likes to do raspberries when he takes his last mouthful of carrots/peas/sweet potato. This is his way of saying, "I'm done."

He has the most amazing giggle. I used to be able to get it by blowing lots of raspberries on his neck and belly. Now that sort of stuff is way too old. I swear I heard him sigh the word "jejune" under his breathe. Now his daddy gets the giggles out of him by making funny noises and facial expressions.

Still no sign of teeth. Where the hell are they? He was practically chomping a bit two months ago. Really carrying on from the pain. Not sure if he suddenly got used to it or what. He just happily chews on all his teething toys and looks at me as if to say, "I do not know of what you speak woman! I was a newborn two months ago - now I am l'enfant!"

Liam is also sitting now with marginal assistance. He still falls over easily but is really enjoying playing independently on the floor.

Lastly I celebrate my 6th month as a mother.

Liam, you do realize that I'm faking it most of the time? When you cry, I try to tell by the clock what you need. I'm not always right, I know. Thank you for bearing with me.

I'm sorry for the swears. I'm really trying my best. But I've had a potty mouth for a while and it's taking some real effort to knock that shit off. See? It's hard. But as we get closer and closer to the day you first speak, I do not want your first word to be the F-bomb. So I'm working on it.

We are still breastfeeding! I never thought we'd make it this far. But sometimes I sort of see it as part of my job in being at home full time. I want to help us save money from buying formula. I produce this food that is perfect for you so why would I give you formula if this is working? And most honestly, the thought of giving it up makes me feel sad. I'm not ready. So more boob for you! Hooray!

Thank you for your newest effort at exploration. I'm talking about those quiet times when you are in my arms and gazing up at me smiling. You have started reaching your hand up to gently touch my face. The gentleness is what surprises me. You grab everything else so roughly. But, in our quiet moments, you softly touch my cheek, my mouth, my nose and smiley so sweetly. It's as if you are communicating your love back to me. And it washes over me like a wave with a massive undertow. And I happily let it take me.


  • At 9:09 PM, March 17, 2005, Blogger Carrie said…

    I'm crying!!! that was beautiful, Susie---

    welcome to Blog-land. You're a great addition!

  • At 12:17 PM, March 18, 2005, Anonymous Jenni said…

    I'm crying, too, susie!!! That was so beautifully written. :) I now have 2 blogs to read, yippee!!


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