Wednesday, August 17, 2005

LeapFrog Bastards

I want to thank LeapFrog, Fisher-Price and the the other makers of fine children's toys for including the feature which causes the toy to scream "BYE BYE!!" when you are turning it off, thus awakening barking dogs and squawking birds up to one mile away and my just-about-to-nod-off-napping baby upstairs in his crib.

These same makers also make the toys so sensitive that an adult sneeze can set them off singing "Hickory Dickory Dock..." at the reduced volume of "mind-numb."

Liam current is obsessed with his Baby Tad, who, when you press one of his hands yells "ONE MINUTE TIL NIGHT-NIGHT!" If you press it again, it yells, "TWO MINUTES..." Press again and it goes to "THREE MINUTES TIL NIGHT-NIGHT!" And proceeds to play 3 minutes of electronic music loud enough to peel the wax out of his ears.

They obviously want the child to take the toy to his crib and be lulled to sleep by the LOUD RELAXING MUSIC. SLEEP BABY SLEEP FOR CHRISSAKES! Why sleep with it? So he can accidentally roll on it and be told "THAT'S THE YELLOW STAR! BuhLLLING!" in a tone that will project him out of the crib and into the galaxy?

Bastards.

5 Comments:

  • At 12:49 PM, August 17, 2005, Blogger Taylor said…

    Just got Tad for Tristyn last week! She doesn't know how to play with him really yet but the night night music drives me BATTY!!!!

     
  • At 4:33 PM, August 17, 2005, Blogger WILLIAM said…

    Tad should be outlawed.

     
  • At 9:50 AM, August 18, 2005, Anonymous Kelli said…

    I have a Tad addict as well. They need to develop rehab for Tad. Ugh.

     
  • At 1:29 PM, August 18, 2005, Blogger dnyduck said…

    Thanks for the warning....I WON'T be buying Tad. I thought about it, but will avoid him now.

    Thanks to Grandma, Devin has a lovely piano toy that was really meant for older children. When you hit a key it plays a piano tune....not too bad, other than being a bit loud. But when you hit the little guys holding various instruments the demonic possesed toy breaks into song. DON'T let Liam ever have the Wiggles Piano!!!

    Daddy also bought him a bumble bee from Playskool because he showed it to him while at Wal Mart and when he tried to take it away Devin screamed and threw a tantrum. YES! Devin throws tantrums now....at 8 1/2 months of age! Anyway...the bumble bee isn't too bad. It's actually kind of cute.

     
  • At 11:07 AM, August 19, 2005, Blogger Carrie said…

    any and every toy rhena gets is dissected first to see if there is a button or switch to make the bastard play the music softer.

    I think tad has a switch. check up his ass.


    (now THERE'S something I never thought I'd say about a toy. A GUY, maybe... but a toy???? sheesh!)

     

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