The Chicaaaah-go Screw

So it was with much anticipation that I boarded a plane on Thursday to travel to Chicago. Or as they say, Chicaaaah-go. The morning of my trip Dan told me that my 10:48am American Airlines ticket, which was free due to frequent flier miles, was also FIRST CLASS BABY!!!!

I mean... it was a seat in First Class. Complete with warm nuts (fill in your own witty joke, they are too easy), a warm meal, a hot towel and FREEEEEEE BOOOOOOOOOOOOZE.

I mean... Complimentary beverage service. Which I took advantage of but not NEARLY as advantageous as the jackass across the row from me who though he was Richard Branson (khaki shorts and Blackbeard t-shirt included on a 56 degree morning on a flight to Chicaaaah-go), ordering Bloody Marys and Makers' Marks in that booming voice that says "Look at me! I'm an asshole who wants people to think I'm not cashing in MY frequent flier miles too! I have no class! So I have to sit here to look like I do!" It was VERY amusing to watch the flight attendants dodge his pickup attempts.

I felt bad that I had to tell the other person I was traveling with that I was going to be in First Class, but I'M NOT GOING TO SIT IN COACH IF I DON'T HAVE TO!

I mean... she was very gracious and didn't seem to resent it at all. Of course if the situation had been reversed I would have been cursing her from the seat in 24F. But she must be a better person than me.

Anyway, like all perfect holiday plans, something had to explode. And it did. OH NO NO NO! NOT THE AIRPLANE. Sorry - that must have been startling. No, what exploded was the assholes at the hotel we were staying at HOTEL 71* - don't ever go there unless you want to be treated like a pimple on the ASS OF LIFE. The group of us booked 3 rooms in May. IN MAY. Remember that - MAY. Last week on Wednesday late LATE afternoon, two of the rooms were BUMPED to an airport hotel, like 20 miles out of the city. They were bumped one and a half days before they were scheduled to check in - which was to be Friday. I was arriving with Jess, my roommate for the weekend, on Thursday as we were able to get an extra day off. That is the only reason we weren't bumped from Hotel 71 as well. So yes, great, we were able to stay in the city. BUT THE SLUMBER PARTY was MOVED to the Doubletree near O'Hare! I know! It suuuuuuucked. And by the time the girls all finally got to the hotel late at night, it was more like pillow talk in the dark - still fun, but not AS fun. And not as fun for the two gals at Hotel 71.

The travel time required to get into the city from O'Hare on the el seriously cut into all of our weekend plans. My lovely dedicated friends Carrie and Ang tried PERSISTENTLY to work with the asshats at Hotel 71 to be placed at a comparable hotel downtown but NNNNNOOOOOOOO. Lots of excuses and OH YEAH! The friggin Opthamologists! Friggin FOUR EYED DOCTOR BASTARDS!** They booked up the whole damn town.

Regardless of this stumbling block. This thorn in our side. This Hotel 71, or as Jenni says, Hotel Suckity One! (I love you Jennnay!). It did NOT dampen our spirits! Well maybe it did a little. But more often or not it provided some additional material for laughs and common bonding experience. Hey I did MY part as a woman lucky enough to stay right downtown. I rode the el allllllll the way out and stayed one night in the ghetto-fabulous Doubletree.*** Ok, I really just wanted a little extra pillow talk.

More stories to come!

*I figure the more times I say Hotel 71, the more likely this post will come up in a google search for Hotel 71 so people will know how UNHELPFUL and UNCARING and general LACKING in customer service skills the Hotel 71 people truly are. Except maybe for Greg who was actually on the pleasant side. But that's IT for the Hotel 71.

**I myself am a four-eyed bastard. Or would that be bitch? Guess it depends on how well you know me. Anyway, I do not have any ill will towards those who wear glasses. In fact, I made passes at a fellow in glasses and married him. And I also love opthamologists! Poking things into eyes - c'mon! What's not to love?! I especially love my doctor who gets a rush from telling me how astigmatism makes my right eye as round as a basketball. Betcha didn't know that WASN'T a good thing.

***Stay at the Doubletree! They are nice people and they give you warm cookies!! It's ok that their wallpaper is from 1975, when you are eating a warm cookie everything looks just lovely. You can barely hear the jet engines. Really.