Friday, January 27, 2006

Do you have a half hour?

These days a poopy diaper change goes something like this.

A green cloud of eu de poo permeates the air and my fine nostril hairs catch fire and fall out.

"Liam, do you need 'change diaper'?" *signed and spoken*

"Nah Nah! Naaaaaah!" as he hastily retreats to the playroom.

Roll up my sleeves and fetch a clean diaper. Put out the pad on the floor, open the wipes.

Liam runs by once.

"Change diaper time!"

Liam runs by twice, "Nah nah nah nah nah nah!" He busies himself in the playroom. Very important work studying the wheels on the bus that do indeed go round and round.

I pick up Liam and the kicking of the legs commences. The whining begins. The writhing peaks.

Put Liam down and put a toy in his hands which he feigns interest in while I take off his pants and unsnap his onesie. Take a deep breathe and open the diaper, briefly regard contents, and use first of 20 wipes to remove poop from his bottom.

He senses he is halfway clean and attempts to flip over. A HA! I don't fall for it and get him squared back down.Wipe poop off the back of my hand and finish cleaning his bottom. Dodge a kick to the chin. Don't dodge the hair pull and kick to the left boob.

Liam seizes my momentary wind loss to roll over and high tail it into the kitchen. Apparently being bare assed means lots of running! Quickly! Tap tap tap through the kitchen. Yelling too! I'm naked the way God meant me to be! I shun your clothe ways! Naked me is the way to BE! The dogs - ALWAYS very interested in poopy diaper changes - follow immediately behind him. Click click, tap tap, click click through the kitchen they all go. Liam goes into the playroom and plays as if the diaper change never happened.

I give him a few minutes before finally dragging him back for the closing ceremonies. Safely covering the unpredictable peepee nozzle and saving my carpets and furniture for few more hours. Pants back on.

"Ah duh? Ah duh??!!" *also signs*

"Yes, Liam! All done!"

20 minutes later.


  • At 10:22 PM, January 27, 2006, Blogger Mrs. Flinger said…

    Wait, are you sure you're not talking about *my* daughter?

    Sounds familiar....

  • At 10:00 AM, January 28, 2006, Anonymous sit10 said…

    I have a friend who tried the phrase, "Do you want fresh pants?" This seemed to work because really... who doesn't?

  • At 12:18 AM, January 29, 2006, Blogger Claire said…

    Ah, the poo-poo dance. A delicate give-and-take between the toddler-nudist and the mommy-who-just-cleaned-that-chair. Yes, we do that, too, although now that we are in time-out land (which I'm not sure I'd recommend for Liam just yet) I can give him a TO if he doesn't cooperate! Ha! Beat that, Evil Toddler Genius!

    And for some reason, there is complete and docile cooperation when Dada is the changer of the poo-poo dipe. Which is, like, NEVER.

  • At 8:54 PM, January 29, 2006, Blogger Carrie said…

    who says SAHMs don't get enough exercise???? melarkey, I say!!!

    good to know cirque de poo poo is appearing in cities other than Charlotte....



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