Monday, September 26, 2005

I Dunno

So I keep coming here to write something engaging and witty and wise and nothing is coming, Internet! I dunno.

It could be because I was crying or raging at the wind because of PMS which soon turned into curling up in the fetal position because of cramps.

It could be that my boobs are in the way. Well, yeah... right. I wish. But more in the way in that they HURT like a BASTARD when I bump them. They want to GIVE FORTH MILK and I won't let them so they are throbbing like a subwoofer bumping "Bounce with me, bounce with me..."

Maybe it's one of the dogs dragging her ass around the living room so much you'd think she was trying to scratch her ears through her rear end. Lily. Honey. You just got your butt squeezed two weeks ago - you have another week to go, girlfriend.

It could be because Liam keeps trying to climb over the coffee table to get to the laptop. He scored four keys this morning with one swipe. The left and right arrow keys and the 'N' and 'M.' Liam, there is no 'U' in Mama's laptop.

It could be that Project Reduce-the-Food-I-Put-in-My-Face is making me a bit... shall we say... CRANKY. So much so, Dan made homemade chocolate chip cookies Saturday night and was tossing them to me as I paced in my cage. Liam isn't the only one who knows the sign for "more."

Maybe it's these symptoms I've had for the past week... hmmm is that a scratchy throat? No, today it's the sneezes. No, it's not, it's the runny nose. Oh you fools! It's the blinding head ache!

Maybe it's because I spent the entire hour watching The Apprentice: Martha Stewart hoping she'd slip and make a snide comment or call someone out because come on we all know Successful Women are all bitches! But all she did was smile the whole friggin episode! Though I'm going to keep an eye on her daughter... she is about as warm as a Klondike bar (mmmm ice cream). Ooooh it's a Good Thing.

I dunno. Whatever it may be, here's hoping I snap out of it. I really need to update this blog.

5 Comments:

  • At 11:13 PM, September 26, 2005, Blogger Jewl said…

    Why is it that when you try to loose weight guys are always trying to shovel food in your face? Keith makes cookies too when I am trying to stay away from the evilness... Soooo not right!
    Our dogs have so much in common, they do the scoot, spin , wipe smelly fishy ass spray all over my floors too... fun stuff.
    Feel better soon chicky... If we lived close we could have a nice drink together, talk about snoutless doggies, evil men with chocolate, and children whom have more in common with creatures of the night than ourselves...

     
  • At 11:36 AM, September 28, 2005, Blogger Angela said…

    Hope you are feeling better soon.

    I highly recommend Alka Seltzer cold medicine- orange flavor.

    Yummy.

     
  • At 7:05 AM, September 29, 2005, Blogger Susan said…

    Damn that Martha Stewart. Puts me in a bad mood just thinking about her smirky face.

    Buy some shoes--you know it's working for me (or not, really). Feel better soon, Susie!

     
  • At 8:38 PM, September 29, 2005, Anonymous Jenn said…

    Oh, how you crack me up! Something about the "girlfriend" comment, directed to your scooching pooch...well, you can't get that on network TV, I'll tell you right now. Hope so much you feel better! At least you won't be able to smell your carpet.

     
  • At 10:32 PM, September 29, 2005, Blogger Claire said…

    Shine on, girlfriend...we all have those suck-hole days. I find that a trip to Starbucks can help somewhat.

     

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