"Just" second thoughts... and bits on Canada
And now that I've created that post on being "just at home" as it were, I hope I didn't come across holier than thou. I certainly do not think I am a better parent than those who choose or need to work full time. I think I am somewhat a "luckier" parent. My husband earns a good wage. We are in decent financial shape. I have cut back on extravagances such as pedicures and clothes shopping (do I really need new clothes to get spit up and drooled on?) I do still get my hair colored as I feel that is INTEGRAL to my well being. I don't want to turn into a savage, you know? ;)
After I posted, I read this post of Tertia's. I don't feel I "sacrificed" my career for Liam. I'm not really a career type person anyway. I used to be. I was very caught up in what my title was and how much I made a year. But now I actually feel like I was more cut out to do the mom thing than anything. It fits. It feels more right than any job I've ever held.
What it comes down to for a lot of us, unfortunately, is money. Everyone has a quality of life that they want/need to be a happy human being. Some need to work to pay off debt, some work because they'd go mad at home all day, some need to not be Baby's mom but to rather be Jr. Vice Pres. or whatever. But a lot of times it's just whether or not you can live on one income. I am pretty certain that once my children are teenagers I will have to work once again because they will "need more" - things like cell phones and money for outings and school trips and "Mom, everyone else has Jordache jeans, why don't I?" [Sorry - the last one slipped out - flashback from 6th grade.]
The bottom line is... I feel lucky to be able to stay home with Liam. But that doesn't mean I can't have a bad day or want a day off once in a while. I suppose it's sort of like when I was watching Oprah interview Will Smith. I got mad when Oprah said that she wished "people could just be happy with their lives." Well, sure, easy for you to say, Oprah - you are a kazillionaire. But that's the easy pessimist response, right? Oprah gets the blues too. So I can't feel bad for saying it was a long day or Liam makes me crazy sometimes just because a friend has to work instead of being home with her baby.
Why does it have to be so complicated...? Did you know that in Canada the maternity leave is one YEAR?! Soon to be 2 YEARS?! Why does everything seem easier in Canada? [In my head, I can hear South Park... "Blame Canada..." ]
After I posted, I read this post of Tertia's. I don't feel I "sacrificed" my career for Liam. I'm not really a career type person anyway. I used to be. I was very caught up in what my title was and how much I made a year. But now I actually feel like I was more cut out to do the mom thing than anything. It fits. It feels more right than any job I've ever held.
What it comes down to for a lot of us, unfortunately, is money. Everyone has a quality of life that they want/need to be a happy human being. Some need to work to pay off debt, some work because they'd go mad at home all day, some need to not be Baby's mom but to rather be Jr. Vice Pres. or whatever. But a lot of times it's just whether or not you can live on one income. I am pretty certain that once my children are teenagers I will have to work once again because they will "need more" - things like cell phones and money for outings and school trips and "Mom, everyone else has Jordache jeans, why don't I?" [Sorry - the last one slipped out - flashback from 6th grade.]
The bottom line is... I feel lucky to be able to stay home with Liam. But that doesn't mean I can't have a bad day or want a day off once in a while. I suppose it's sort of like when I was watching Oprah interview Will Smith. I got mad when Oprah said that she wished "people could just be happy with their lives." Well, sure, easy for you to say, Oprah - you are a kazillionaire. But that's the easy pessimist response, right? Oprah gets the blues too. So I can't feel bad for saying it was a long day or Liam makes me crazy sometimes just because a friend has to work instead of being home with her baby.
Why does it have to be so complicated...? Did you know that in Canada the maternity leave is one YEAR?! Soon to be 2 YEARS?! Why does everything seem easier in Canada? [In my head, I can hear South Park... "Blame Canada..." ]
posted by Susie @ 9:07 PM
3 Comments:
At 10:58 PM, April 03, 2005,
Anonymous
said…
susie-q!
i hear you, you know i do. i love what i do but that doesn't mean i don't dream of being able to take a few hours to get the mane on top of my head tamed! or see a, what do they call that thing again, you know where they project images on a big screen and there's sound and stuff? and popcorn! oh, yeah, a movie! the boy is awesome-he and his dad are my heart but i do still like to have conversations where i am not repeating everything i say at least twice and in a higher pitched voice than my normal one. keep on my friend!
-jody
At 1:50 PM, April 04, 2005,
Carrie
said…
Amen, sistah! mind if I make a copy of your entries and hand them to people who give me *that look* when they ask what I do???
I know it's my own fault for letting other people's perceptions make me feel lesser for staying home... but damnit, this IS hard work.
So here's to you, Susie, Jody, and all my other co-workers..... may you all someday get to take a vacation, or at the very least--- a sick day.
At 8:13 AM, April 05, 2005,
Anonymous
said…
You know Suz - I think we are all so scared that we are doing the RIGHT thing for our children that we are all a little sensitive about our particular situation. You know me, and you know my struggles...but the realization that I have come too is there is only 1 judge worthy of my listening - and that is MY child. If he's happy, healthy and thriving - then all's well - ya, know? The politics of SAHM vs Working Outside of the House Mom's is a crock of you know WHAT. We all know how HARD this motherhood thing is - we should stick together! I know our group does - and I love that!
Keep writing Suz!
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