Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes...

Thoughts? Liam hopes he can catch a righteous babe like Katie Holmes one day.

Surprise, surprise BBC boards are down again!

Girls feel free to chat through this post's comments if you are so inclined! I miss you!

Good morning! 

up close and personal 

For laughs

Funny - living will. Lifted from my friend John's journal.

A little hungry

UPDATE: Glad I'm not the only one emptying the pantry. A couple times I've caught Dan looking at me like "You are eating again?" I talk about food WHILE I'M ALREADY EATING. I feel like the Hungry Caterpillar. Thanks for the comments, Gang!


Someone told me before I had Liam that breastfeeding would make me almost as hungry as I was when I had him in my belly.

They weren't kidding.

There are some days I feel like I'm never full. I feel like a vaccuum - just opening the kitchen cabinets and the food comes flying out and into my mouth.

The year before I had Liam I was an exercise freak and I was on Weight Watchers. I lost about 40 lbs. I wanted to get healthy for the baby. Well once I got pregnant I gained 65 lbs! Hello!? I was constantly hungry. During my first trimester the only foods that didn't make me quesy were carbohydrates. Looking at a fruit salad made me dry heave. Lettuce made my mouth water - and not in a good way. And yeah stopping for McDonald's fries 4-5x a week probably wasn't the best thing to do but I NEEDED THEM. What are you looking at?!

Well since I had Liam I have lost 60 lbs. Liam is almost 8 months old (holy crap he turns 8 months old on Sunday). So I'm still sitting on the last 5 lbs (I probably could lose 10 and look better). But my body is completely warped. There is this ring around me that I never had before. It's not huge making me like Mrs. Michelin Man. But it is gross! I hate it!

Yet I don't do anything to get rid of it. I Just. Keep. Eating.

I'm so hungry. I eat Frosted Shredded Wheat for breakfast (a BIG bowl) just to feel fuller. Unfortunately it flushes me out better than Draino and then I'm hungry again! Luckily I'm not gaining weight.

My concern is that my appetite will continue AFTER I wean Liam and I will blow up like a Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloon.

So I'm going to contemplate all of this while I eat a cookie.

I'm soooo in trouble.

Playing with my new toy

Insert your own devil horns and smoke from ears.

Lily 

Flipping off the papparazzi already? 

Blue eyes from Daddy, cheeks from Mummy, photo from Nikon. 

I got it!!!

No, Aunt Flo still hasn't shown up BUT...

I got my Mother's Day gift early from Liam!!! Just this morning!!

I about peed my pants!

Thank you, Liam!!!! I'm so glad your Daddy upped your allowance for Mother's Day!

Could I use any more exclamation marks??!!!!

I don't think so!!!

More insanity from the King

Thanks, Kate, for this link!

This proves that the Wake Up with the King campaign is making people CRAZY! I wonder if this guy saw The King in his window taunting him with fries?

SKETCHY!

Meet the family. 

Is it me or...?

• ...have we all seen enough Cialis commericals to launch a thousand ships - if you know what I mean?
• ...is it absolutely disgusting that Britney Spears is procreating with the Professional Sperm Donor?
• ...does the Professional Sperm Donor mentioned above need a serious BATH? And what is WITH THE HATS, DUDE? You will NEVER resemble Gene Kelley or Fred Astaire.
• ...is the Wake Up with the King ad campaign that Burger King has obviously invested millions of dollars in really just skeeving everyone out instead? I've said how I feel here. They also launched this nasty-ass Enormous Omlet Sandwich, a 730 calorie, 47g of fat, 415mg of cholesterol, 1860mg of sodium morning snack that clogs your arteries just by looking at it on t.v. (Look away, look away!) 47 GRAMS of FRIGGIN FAT! Sorry, did you just spit out your cocktail? Please go make another, I'll wait.
• ...is everyone as obsessed with Burger King as I am? Oh. It is just me? Ok. Uh yeah.
• ...global warming is really screwing with our seasons? In April it snows one day, then turns 90 degrees the next. Remember the Superman where Lex Luthor wanted to control the weather? Or was that Batman?
• ...Murphy's Law will dictate just as you get the baby to sleep, a firetruck will roar by/the dogs will bark/the wind will slam his door shut/you will stub your toe on the rocking chair and emit the Silent Scream that only dogs hear - thus causing them to all bark again.
• ...the length of time for Liam's nap is in direct proportion to the amount of time needed to accomplish a task - minus 15 minutes.

Awake from a nap

Blue blanky and binky.

For the "OOOOh!" File

And I thought breastfeeding was hard in the beginning...

I especially LOVE the last line of the article.

I'm every woman

It's all in meeeeeeeeee.....

I've been pondering over the guest Oprah had in her show yesterday. Ayelet Waldman has been shocking the mom's at Gymboree around the country by saying, "I love my husband more than I love my children."

Now I can get the gist of what she is saying. Women should have that same passionate love for their husband that caused them to skip down the aisle in the first place (hopefully). The love for your child is different than the love for your husband.

I agree.

Now by no means does that mean that my love for my child runs any less deep than the love I have for my husband. The love I have for him created what we now know as Liam. He is a walking symbol of that love. So indeed that makes him special and it makes my love for him different than my love for Dan.

Where I differ from this spotlight-hugging sensationalist mom is when she states, "What if, God forbid, someone were to snatch one of my children? God forbid. I imagine what it would feel like to lose one or even all of them. I imagine myself consumed, destroyed by the pain. And yet, in these imaginings, there is always a future beyond the child's death. Because if I were to lose one of my children, God forbid, even if I lost all my children, God forbid, I would still have him, my husband.But my imagination simply fails me when I try to picture a future beyond my husband's death. Of course I would have to live. I have four children, a mortgage, work to do. But I can imagine no joy without my husband."

I cannot, in the totality of my mind, picture my life without Liam any more than I could picture it without Dan. Even on my worst day and Liam is climbing up my face and screaming like a banshee. I cannot imagine a joyful life if either was taken away.

Now like the author of the article, I know I would function. Work. Pay bills. Etc. But a joyful life? I cannot imagine. And you know what? I don't like that game much. Why waste 5 minutes imagining life without either Dan or Liam and miss out 5 minutes of enjoying them?

These men I have... are the beacons in my life. Dan's light is a taller light. It turns in circles showing me where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. It keeps me company and makes me feel safe. Liam's light shines on the little things I might have otherwise missed. A smile, a ladybug, the feel of cool satin, lights on the Christmas tree. It also keeps me company but I make him feel safe.

I'm not going to get into the part of her article about sex. That is a topic for another day. What I am going to do is go pick my little light out of his crib because he's awake from his nap. And maybe we'll go look at some ladybugs.

My friend Karen and Liam

Our sunny day at the Riverwalk by the Merrimack in Lowell.

My light

Um, I totally love him and want more of his babies!

Tonight, as Dan was walking Liam upstairs to begin the bedtime routine, he said "Liam, I don't want to put you to bed because when you wake tomorrow you'll be a day older."

My two guys

Completely snackable.

5 Things on My Mind

1. Sometimes I can't wait to wean Liam so I can drink. Hourly.
2. Liam's favorite form of communication lately is the raspberry. "Hi Liam!" "ThHBBBPT" "Want some milk?" "ThBPtHHH!" "Do you think Mummy is crazy?" "Most definitely, mi'lady."
3. Can someone please explain to me WHY Quaker is now also using a SCARY FREAKY PLASTIC Quaker guy in their ads to hock granola bars? "Here kiddies, take a granola bar from this FREAK OF NATURE." At least he doesn't have man-hands like the Burger King psycho.
4. Lately while I'm nursing Liam, he holds one arm straight up in the air with his index finger extended. Finally, my own cheering section. Thinking about making him one of those foam hands to wave after we are done.
5. One of my two pugs, Daisy, has been watching too much of The Contender because she's starting to get aggressive with her sister, Lily. Not over food or toys. Over attention. If Dan or I or anyone gives Lily some attention, Daisy wants to beat the shit out of Lily and starts snapping and growling and fighting with her! Ugh. Sibling rivalry. Now we have to have some dude come and tell us what bad dog parents we are. The whole thing makes me sad. I just don't want it to escalate any more and have to get rid of her. She was our first baby!

Pity Party for 1

Ok, Internet, my pity party is officially over. I believe this is called "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps" or some such but I'm moving on... whether or not I will become the WWM is debatable, either way Liam is stuck with me.

What am I TALKING about? How lucky is he to have such a clever, sassy, fabu fun Mum?

WWM*

I was staring at this blank posting page last night trying to summon something to write about. I had a bad day yesterday and I just couldn't think of a damn thing I wanted to write about.

Later on, as I lay awake in bed thinking about how much my husband must hate me because, once again, we weren't getting it on, I thought why not just tell the world of my day as the WWM?

- Day started out wonderfully as Liam slept until almost 8am! There was much rejoicing!

- I realized neither Dan or myself had done anything with several checks Liam received at his Baptism. A MONTH AGO. Hi yes I'm the reason you can't balance your checkbook. (They were made out to Liam and we weren't sure what to do with them).

- We went to the baby sign class made up of...women who already know each other. Babies who like other babies!

- Liam does not seem interesting in hanging out with other babies. Why does my baby not want to socialize with other babies? We do it every week at Gymboree and now every other week with playgroup. He just stares at them and when they get too close he gets po'd and/or cries. What more can I do?

- Liam doesn't like anything after 45 minutes - the class was 1.5 hrs. But I had the only baby who fussed through the 2nd half of the class. We were even used as an example ("When Liam knows signs he will be able to tell his mother what he wants." Yeah lady - I don't need a sign to know that he wants the hell out of here!)

- When we left the class, I had a blinding headache - I think from allergies - which I may or may not get from one year to the next.

- I got home as Dan was pulling the driveway (he took the day off to watch the Red Sox get their Championship rings). He did not go to the bank with the checks but rather to some auto part store to get something for his car.

- I plopped Liam down on the living room carpet to play while I went in search of lots and lots of Advil. I sat him too close to the coffee table [foreshadowing!! foreshadowing!!].

- When Dan came inside with the dogs, per usual they ran to Liam to sniff him and give him kisses. Lily leaned in, Liam leaned back...then in slooooooowwwwwwww moooooootionnnnnn...

Liam fell backwards and smacked the back of his head on the bottom shelf of the coffee table. It was LOWWWWD. Then it was silent. Then The Pain Scream began.

- My right eye was throbbing with migraine pain as I scooped him up, had Dan get a booboo bunny and we rocked and rocked.

- The welt on the back of his head turned into a little goose egg. I felt so bad; my eyes kept tearing. Dan said "If you told me he was falling I would have jumped to catch him." Why is it that while it happened in slow motion, it still happened too fast for me to say more than "oh no."

- Liam finally calmed down with some comfort paci and cuddling. Then he was tired.

- "Mumma, how can you expect me to nap with a sore bump on the back of my head?"

- Eventually he nodded off by nursing. Mind you, I still had a migraine and, at this point, I was wondering, "Hmm when I vomit, should I lean towards the other side of the couch? Or onto the new carpet? so as not to wake Liam?"

- I didn't vomit. Dan put Liam to bed, then I went to bed for 2 hours. When I woke feeling more like my normal self, Dan had fed the dogs and was in the process of feeding Liam dinner.

- Dan went to get our taxes done and I put Liam to bed. He was tired and went down easy.

-He woke up at 9:15 SCREAMING. Dan tried to pat him and get him back to sleep. He rocked Liam a bit and when he put him back in the crib, Liam screamed more. Dan left thinking we'd let him cry it out. Five minutes of major-tear-your-heart-out-of-your-chest-crying, I went up and nursed him - he ate like he was starved and finally relaxed to sleep. It must have been that Dan missed his dinner bottle while I was sleeping.

Today has been Fussy Day since he got up. Not much swelling on his bump, no bruise. He is currently screaming at me from his Exersaucer so that's all she wrote for today.

* World's Worst Mother

7 Months

On Friday Liam turned 7 months old. I'm freaking out. I mean 7 months old is on the OTHER SIDE of the first year of life. Between 0-6 months you think "newborn" but after 6 months... HELLO INFANT! Soon to be TODDLER and then... umm..erhm... next is KID. Yeah KID.



Anyway, I'm watching Liam transform into HIS OWN PERSON right before my eyes. How did this happen. He was my baby. Practically attached to me for 6 months. Now, suddenly, he is a BOY. He likes things he likes, let's me know what he doesn't and I HAVE NO IDEA which will be which!

You know what this means?



HE'S THINKING ON HIS OWN.

I'm so not ready for this. I can see him thinking all the time. He looks at the dogs - thinking. He looks at Eeyore while he sings - thinking. He looks at the babies in playgroup - thinking. He looks at me - you guessed it - THINKING.

But then he smiles. All on his own - without me making an ass out of myself. And this smile that he smiles... it's like blast of sunshine in my face. I dare anyone to receive a smile from Liam and not smile themselves. It can't be done. Scientists have studied it. You can't deny his smile from spreading from him to you.




This month he has gotten stronger. When on his tummy, he can prop himself up on his hands so far I can see his belly button. He can roll from tummy to back but never does. I've only seen it once. He can pull himself forward when holding stationary objects.

Liam wants to eat the dogs' paws. They are not fond of this new form of affection.

We started two new activities this month. A new Gymboree class and a playgroup. The timing of the GymCrawlers class is a major problem as it falls during naptime/lunch time. We love our friends in the class but we may need to switch. The playgroup - we aren't sure about. We will definitely try it a couple more times.

Liam successfully got a puffed veggie snack into his mouth today. You would have thought I was watching a tape of the 2004 World Series, Game 4. Liam thought my reaction was hysterical. What is hysterical is that, after I put a bunch on his high chair tray, every time I walk by him in the chair - he opens his mouth at me - like "PLEASE woman. I cannot get my mighty paws around these tiny treats. Please help me. I am half-starved for a tiny puffed treat."

Liam loves his daddy. When Dan comes through the door at the end of the day, Liam becomes an octupus with his arms and legs all going at once. Big smiles and small noises. I can't make Liam giggle like Daddy can. The other night Dan was tugging on one of Liam's toys and Liam thought it was THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. We are talking belly laughs! Of course, as always the video camera wasn't charged.

Liam, Thank you so much for being such a good boy even though your gums must be throbbing like crazy. You only get really cranky every now and then, and of course, when I take too long at the mall. You also find youself very amusing which amuses ME. I catch you laughing at yourself all the time. Real laughs and then this fake laugh that is a RIOT.

You already hate clothes shopping which does not bode well for me. It's as if we walk into a store and you take one look and say "NO, I REFUSE!" The best is now when we go between racks you reach for clothes. That's FUN.

One of my favorite parts of my day with you is getting you from your nap. How are still warm and soft from sleep. You smile so sweetly at me. Soooo happy to see me arrive. And I pick you up and press my nose into your neck to give you kisses. And I just BREATHE you in. And I feel your hands on my arms. And in my head, I thank everyone I ever and never met for you.

SCARY FREAKY PLASTIC

Not that this has anything to do with my son but...

My friend Carrie is doing another Monday Match-up on her blog. She casually made mention of perhaps pitting the King of Burger King versus Ronald McDonald and it reminded me...

Is anyone else COMPLETELY creeped out by the new Burger King commericals? They have a really strange one with Hootie singing and chicks with tons of cleavage and quite frankly it looked like a bad trip. Or what I imagine a bad trip must be like.

But even beyond that, they have this SCARY FREAKY PLASTIC Burger King guy walking around with this sadistic smile painted on his face. The commerical where he is in bed with a guy and the tag line is "Wake up with the King" is enough to make me want to vomit. All. Over. The. Place.

In the latest one, he walks up to the window of a house and hands some dude a sandwich. What is appealing about a SCARY FREAKY PLASTIC Burger King guy at your window?!?! Why would I want a burger from that place [People! I know of the flame-broiled goodnesss - you are preaching to the choir.] In fact, I'm a bit skeeved by the idea of going into a Burger King as that guy may be lurking about - most likely in one of the restrooms... And you KNOW I'd have to strike my Karate Kid one-legged bird pose and kick his SCARY FREAKY PLASTIC ass all over the place.

No, I would NOT like fries with THAT.

"Just" second thoughts... and bits on Canada

And now that I've created that post on being "just at home" as it were, I hope I didn't come across holier than thou. I certainly do not think I am a better parent than those who choose or need to work full time. I think I am somewhat a "luckier" parent. My husband earns a good wage. We are in decent financial shape. I have cut back on extravagances such as pedicures and clothes shopping (do I really need new clothes to get spit up and drooled on?) I do still get my hair colored as I feel that is INTEGRAL to my well being. I don't want to turn into a savage, you know? ;)

After I posted, I read this post of Tertia's. I don't feel I "sacrificed" my career for Liam. I'm not really a career type person anyway. I used to be. I was very caught up in what my title was and how much I made a year. But now I actually feel like I was more cut out to do the mom thing than anything. It fits. It feels more right than any job I've ever held.

What it comes down to for a lot of us, unfortunately, is money. Everyone has a quality of life that they want/need to be a happy human being. Some need to work to pay off debt, some work because they'd go mad at home all day, some need to not be Baby's mom but to rather be Jr. Vice Pres. or whatever. But a lot of times it's just whether or not you can live on one income. I am pretty certain that once my children are teenagers I will have to work once again because they will "need more" - things like cell phones and money for outings and school trips and "Mom, everyone else has Jordache jeans, why don't I?" [Sorry - the last one slipped out - flashback from 6th grade.]

The bottom line is... I feel lucky to be able to stay home with Liam. But that doesn't mean I can't have a bad day or want a day off once in a while. I suppose it's sort of like when I was watching Oprah interview Will Smith. I got mad when Oprah said that she wished "people could just be happy with their lives." Well, sure, easy for you to say, Oprah - you are a kazillionaire. But that's the easy pessimist response, right? Oprah gets the blues too. So I can't feel bad for saying it was a long day or Liam makes me crazy sometimes just because a friend has to work instead of being home with her baby.

Why does it have to be so complicated...? Did you know that in Canada the maternity leave is one YEAR?! Soon to be 2 YEARS?! Why does everything seem easier in Canada? [In my head, I can hear South Park... "Blame Canada..." ]

It's me..."just" at home

So for the record, yes my laptop is still toast. I have a hard time nagging Dan about fixing it as he works 4567 hours a week. He tried to back up the hard drive to no avail. Even Michael Dell came in, took one look and said "You're fucked." [As I read that back to Dan, he had to tell me that he had Michael Dell's phone number. Are you all impressed? How's that for technical phone support. Come fix this shit, Michael Dell! I have 5 readers of my blog and a group of BBC gals who would like to have a word with you, bizatch!] So there we are. Dan got me a new hard drive. He just needs to install all my crap. I'm hoping by the end of next week.

Till then, poor me, I'm on our new Dell desktop that reminds me of something on the Starship Enterprise. I'm inclined to lean toward the tower and say "Earl grey, piping hot!" [Forgive the sad Star Trek references, I was a tad bit of a Trekkie in a former life - but only The Next Generation and no, I never thought Jonathan Frakes was hot. Jean Luc Picard...well that's a fantasy for another day.] And might I comment on the fact that I'm in Mantown while my husband is in his Love Sac playing the new MVP Baseball 2005 on a 92" projection. This guy has it made. But I digress...

So when visiting my old office a couple of weeks ago, I bumped into a colleague who was happy to meet Liam for the first time. After cooing over all his round cuteness, she turned to me and said, "So are you just at home now?"

Now you may think I went all stay-at-home-mom-with-a-chip-on-my-shoulder-Norma-Rae-wanting-equal-pay-for-equal-time-and-a-side-of-TiVo and launched into the virtues of motherhood and how important my role is and so forth and so on, June Cleaver. Thank you very little, no I did not.

While I do very much believe what I am doing is invaluable. I do not have a complex about not bringing money into my home. Often, when speaking with women my age who are able to stay at home, one of the first things they say is "But I want to get a part time job because I don't feel like I'm contributing." Now I COMPLETELY understand that some households have circumstances that result in the necessity of 2 incomes. Right now my household is capable of running with some budgetary restructuring on one salary. So that coupled with the fact that I wanted to stay home got me my current situation. But in no way do I feel like I am failing to contribute to my home.

What I really find laughable is the notion that I'm "just at home." As if I had a nanny living here who brought me the baby for nursing and the rest of my time was spent eating Bon Bons and watching Days of Our Lives. Now I know what you are thinking. Susie dear, you DO watch Days of Our Lives. Yes, I do and can you believe this crap with Sammy becoming a man and working with DiMaras? Ooops...sorry! In reality, I may catch 10-20 minutes of an hour show. I maybe see it 1-2x week. I like the t.v. on for background noise. But my boss does not allow me to decide whether or not I can actually watch a whole show. No.

You see there is the Screaming, the Shrieking, the Eating and the Amuse Me work that needs to be tended to. Breaks comes when it is Nap Time but then there is Laundry, Cleaning and General Housework that calls. And do not even think about RELYING on a specific break time because that's when the boss decides he will REFUSE Nap Time and the Screaming may or may not commence.

It's a crap shoot.

Now my old job. That was a cake walk. My previous boss never crapped herself and needed me to clean it up. She never pinched or gnawed on my hand. She never went from laughing to crying like she needed some bi-polar meds. I didn't have to spoon feed her. She let me eat my lunch without trying to grab my sandwich/plate/napkin /cup/face and then began Screaming when I wouldn't let her. She let me go home, leave my desk, go on vacation and she made sure I got paid every two weeks.

But what didn't she do?

She didn't make my heart hurt just by smiling at me. She didn't wake up from naps so happy to see me that it felt like the sun was shining on the gloomiest of days. I didn't get to bask in her love.

She didn't amuse me by trying for 15 minutes with the utmost concentration to get my sweatshirt zipper with her index finger and thumb. She didn't laugh at my dogs or move every appendage with all her might when Dan got home from work.

Liam does that. Liam is the best and worst employer I've ever had. He can bring me to my knees and then make me feel like Wonder Woman. He makes me smile when I wake and when I go to sleep. He is my "just" in the phrase "just at home." The most important job I'll ever have. And the idea of sending him out in the world terrifies me and probably always will. But he is my biggest contribution to the planet. And I think that is more than enough of a contribution to my household and to you.